WHO
WE ARE
COURSES
TIPS & HELP
ARTICLES
RESEARCH
NEWSLETTER
MEDIA
RESOURCES
COUPLES
EVALUATION
CONTRIBUTE
CONTACT
HOME
FOR
FURTHER INFORMATION PLEASE CALL
0117 924 1480
OR EMAIL
INFO@BCFT.CO.UK
***NEW*** Relationship courses for 800,000 families per year SEP 06 Family breakdown in the UK JUN 05 New government study ignores marriage JUN 05 BCFT wins award APR 05 Mentoring Marriages by Harry Benson MAR 05 Another Times article about BCFT !! FEB 05 BCFT hits the front page of the Times Preventing the collapse of unmarried families Marriage
School Evaluation
Life
Cycle Or Spin Cycle? Combat
And Marriage Celebrate
380 Years Of Marriage Bristol's
Best Ever Wedding Present … New
study says divorce will not make you happy Government
backs new families project in Bristol
RELATIONSHIP COURSES FOR 800,000 FAMILIES PER YEARUp to 800,000 families per year could attend relationship and parenting courses, according to "Breakthrough Britain”, a new report on strengthening families and reducing family breakdown, published today by the social justice policy group, set up by Conservative leader David Cameron and chaired by former leader Iain Duncan Smith. The invitation scheme is closely modelled on the work of the charity Bristol Community Family Trust and was drafted by its director Harry Benson, deputy chairman of the family policy group. “ For 40 years, policy makers have assumed the rise in family breakdown to be inevitable. And yet family breakdown is very often avoidable,” says married father-of-six Benson. “ In the last five years, over 2,000 people have completed our relationship and parenting courses in Bristol . Based on the latest research, relationship education is the nearest thing you can get to a guarantee of a great relationship!” The proposed invitation plan comprises general schemes available to those getting married, having a baby, or sending a child to school. Specific schemes are also proposed for vulnerable families, including lone parents, military families, prison couples, and parents of adopted, foster or disabled children. The entire scheme, when fully operating, will cost £166 million per year. But Benson argues that it will pay for itself many times over through making a serious dent in the taxpayers bill for family breakdown, estimated at £20-24 billion per year and rising. “ When the room is flooded, it makes sense to put some effort into turning off the tap ”. As well as relationship education, the report on family breakdown includes wide ranging proposals across well-being and mental health, families with disabilities, tax and benefits, childcare, post-separation support, legal issues and a family-centred role for government. Benson and the report's main author, Dr Samantha Callan of Loughborough University , are keen to state their political independence. “ This report is the product of eighteen months unpaid work by us and other family experts,” says Benson . “Family breakdown has been rising relentlessly under all governments for forty years. I hope that all parties can take our recommendations seriously.” Bristol Community Family Trust has been running relationship and parenting courses for five years, mainly for couples getting married or having a baby, but also for parents and for prison families. The charity is independently funded and currently runs 50 courses per year for over 700 Bristol people. Ends For further information contact: Harry Benson , Bristol Community Family Trust, 0117 924 1480
.
PRESS RELEASE SEPTEMBER 7, 2006 CHILDREN AT RISK FROM GOVERNMENT POLICY TO DISREGARD MARRIAGE, WARNS NEW STUDYOfficial policy to abolish marital status and disregard marriage in government-sponsored research is incompatible with the claim that every child matters, according to new independent research. The biggest study of family breakdown yet conducted in the UK has found “marital status” to be the single most important factor predicting whether couples with young children stay together or not. Even the poorest married couples are more stable than all but the richest unmarried couples. The research sends a warning to policy-makers whose personal experience of relatively stable unmarried couples, cushioned by wealth, is not representative of the relatively unstable wider population. Regardless of income and social background, unmarried cohabiting parents are still more than twice as likely to split up compared to married parents. Higher income explains only part of the reason why married parents are more stable. Overall, young children are five times as likely to experience family breakdown if their parents are not married, according to the study of 15,000 mothers with three year old children. The warning comes from a new paper submitted in evidence by family policy expert Harry Benson to the Social Justice Policy Group set up by David Cameron, the Conservative Party Leader, to make recommendations on tackling poverty and social disadvantage. The SJPG plans to publish an interim report on the late autumn and a final report next summer. The research suggests that by tacitly promoting cohabitation and undermining marriage, policy-makers are exposing more children to the perils of family breakdown, reflected in higher levels of crime, anti-social behaviour, educational failure and mental and emotional disturbance. The estimated annual cost of family breakdown in the UK, which has one of the highest rates of divorce and births outside marriage in the Western world, is as much as £24 billion or around £800 per taxpayer per year. The study affirms how it is the collapse of unmarried families, and not divorce, that is driving family breakdown. Three quarters of family breakdown involved unmarried parents. But the government message – that marital status does not matter – ignores the fact that for the vast majority of parents being married helps to stabilise their lives and to bring up their children in a secure environment. Policy-makers are especially criticised for their decision to “airbrush” marriage out of government-sponsored family research. Since 2003, the term “marital status” has been removed from government forms, reflecting the politically correct official view that marriage is irrelevant to the well-being of children. Government-sponsored research now misleadingly refers to “couple parents” or “couple families”, terms that conceal differences in outcomes between married and unmarried couples and their children. Iain Duncan Smith, chairman of the Social Justice Policy Group said: "I am very pleased to receive this report from Harry Benson. This is a serious study and will help the policy group establish the causes of the UK's very high levels of family breakdown . “What is particularly interesting is the way the report shows that the Government's assumption that children ' s outcomes are solely dictated by socioeconomic factors is wrong. The structure within which they grow up and are nurtured is vital to their well-being . “The Government's corresponding attempt to airbrush out references to marriage from family research is a form of censorship ." The study was written by Harry Benson, deputy chairman of the SJPG's family breakdown sub-group, and director of Bristol Community Family Trust, an independent charity that runs relationship and parenting courses and funded the research. Data analysis was provided by Stephen McKay of Bristol University . The new study is the largest and most up-to-date comparison of married and unmarried family stability yet conducted in the UK . Analysis of newly released Millennium Cohort Study data on 15,000 mothers who gave birth during 2000/01 found that cohabiting couples face more than double the odds of family breakdown in the early years of parenthood compared to married couples on the same income. Amongst all unmarried couples, comprising those who described themselves as either “cohabiting” or “closely involved” at the time of birth, family breakdown is five times more common than amongst married couples. Nearly 3,000 mothers, 20 per cent of the entire sample, had become lone parents during the first three years of their child's life. However the risk of breakdown was 6 per cent among married couples and 32 per cent among unmarried couples, comprising 20 per cent of those “cohabiting” and 74 per cent of those “closely involved”. The study concludes by highlighting possible explanations for why married couples are more likely to stay together than unmarried couples after they have a baby. Evidence from outside the UK suggests commitment, communication skills, father involvement, specialisation of household roles and social support all play a part. Some of these factors may coincide with the decision to marry. Some may result directly from the experience of being married. Government policy should encourage and reopen investigation into marriage, an area almost wholly neglected by UK researchers in recent years and yet rich with opportunity for policy impact. Mr Benson concludes “Family breakdown leads adults and children into poverty and other social problems. Our study shows that it is not enough to say that families split up because of their circumstances. Any government that wants to reduce poverty and inequality for both children and adults alike has to address the issue of marriage and what it is that makes marriages work better than the alternatives”.ends Click here to download the full study For more information, contact Harry Benson 0117 924 1480 info@bcft.co.uk
NEW FAMILIES AND CHILDREN STUDY FINDINGS ARE SERIOUSLY COMPROMISED – CLAIMS RELATIONSHIP EDUCATORGOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO HIDE THE BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE As the government released the latest data from the 2003 Families and Children Study (FACS), relationship educator Harry Benson of independent charity Bristol Community Family Trust labeled the findings “ seriously compromised ”. The FACS study found that lone parent families were more likely to work less, earn less, save less, be unemployed, be deprived, be on benefits and suffer poorer health than couple families. However, according to Benson, this otherwise superbly designed study overlooks differences in outcomes between types of couple family. “ FACS has combined married, cohabiting and stepfamilies in to one single family type. In other words, it has completely ignored marriage ”, he says. “ Yet the first FACS study published in 2003 showed how outcomes differ between different couple family types. For example married couples, regardless of other factors, were at significantly lower risk of family breakdown compared to unmarried couples .” Other studies have shown that outcomes of unmarried couple families look more similar to single parent families than to married couple families. The study was commissioned by the Department of Work and Pensions. In late 2003, following a consultation on civil partnerships, government minister Jacqui Smith quietly announced on page 41 of the response paper, that marital status would be abolished. “ The FACS researchers themselves have done a fantastic job. But the DWP commissioning focus on couple families means that the research is seriously compromised. Other research and previous FACS work suggest that the majority of the benefits accruing to couple families belong to married families .” Research by Harry Benson released earlier this year found that three quarters of all family breakdowns affecting young children involves unmarried families. Benson concludes, “ The trend away from marriage is the single biggest driver of family breakdown today. Government is being irresponsible in trying to hide the benefits of marriage .” ENDS For further information: Harry Benson, Bristol Community Family Trust T: 0117 924 1480 E: info@bcft.co.uk W: www.bcft.co.uk Marriage, relationship and mentoring programmes, information and research
BRISTOL CHARITY WINS AWARD FROM LONDON THINK-TANK FOR RADICAL POVERTY-FIGHTING WORKThe Centre for Social Justice, the think-tank set up by Iain Duncan Smith MP, will tomorrow (Weds June 22) announce the winners of its first annual awards. Bristol Community Family Trust (BCFT) is one of seven organisations with a radical self-help approach to tackling poverty and deep-seated social problems that will receive grants to help them expand their pioneering work with vulnerable people. Judges for the awards included former Labour welfare reform minister Frank Field MP and Conservative shadow families minister Theresa May MP. Mr Field said: “ Politicians can play a significant role in turning back the appalling tide of family breakdown. This should not be a party political issue. As well as facilitating and supporting the work of voluntary organizations, such as Bristol Community Family Trust, we need to be seen to encourage family structures that work best. The evidence suggests that married households tend to be happier, healthier and more productive. It's time that politicians of all parties overcame their coyness and started to develop policies that encourage and promote marriage .” BCFT was set up in 2001 to strengthen families. Relationship education, mentoring and parenting programmes are now run via registrars, schools, churches, ante-natal clinics and prison. Over 400 Bristol people, married and unmarried, have completed BCFT programmes in the last twelve months. BCFT project director Harry Benson said: “ I am thrilled that our work has been recognised by policy makers. We will be using our £3,000 award to help develop an innovative pilot project to provide relationship education for new parents in the ante-natal system in Easton . ” Winners of the inaugural CSJ awards share five key qualities:
Mr Duncan Smith said: “ The CSJ award winners all have one defining feature – a commitment to building a stronger society rather than extending the power and reach of the welfare state. It is time to end the virtual Government monopoly over the delivery of welfare and to encourage the growth of small-scale, community-based poverty-fighters who can help the disadvantaged rediscover their dignity and self-confidence .” Those making the awards at an event in central London tomorrow evening will be David Cameron MP, the Shadow Education Secretary, Frank Field, MP, the former welfare reform Minister, and Stephen Timms MP, the Work and Pensions Minister. Ends Notes to Editors : The inaugural CSJ awards, sponsored by the Pears Foundation, will be held on Wednesday June 22, at the Lewis Media Centre, Millbank Tower , London SW1 For more information : Cameron Watt of CSJ 0207 620 1120; www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk Harry Benson of BCFT 0117 924 1480; www.bcft.co.uk
Mentoring Marriages By Harry Benson - A Genuinely New Approach To Strengthening FamiliesHarry Benson is a man whose marriage has been to the brink. A man who, when presented with an ultimatum by his wife, went on a weekend marriage course that changed his life. The former Navy pilot and stockbroker now runs courses in how to be married, trains married couples to mentor those planning to marry and is fast gaining a national profile as a champion of marriage and relationship education. Harry's ground-breaking research highlighting the widespread collapse of unmarried families was featured on the front page of the Times in February. His courses have been profiled in the Channel 4 programme “Geldof on Marriage” and in the Times and Sunday Express magazines. April 2005 sees the publication of Harry's new book, “Mentoring Marriages” which explains how almost any couple with experience of marriage can simply and effectively support a younger couple who are moving in together or getting married. “ You don't have to be an expert ”, he says. “ You just need to be married ”. Harry's book presents a genuinely new idea. Mentoring has long been used in business and even schools and prisons use mentoring techniques now. The principle is simple. Inexperienced individuals benefit from the time and support given by those with more experience. What is entirely novel is the idea that this approach can work for couples. The book explains not only how mentoring works but also provides a comprehensive overview of the research evidence to support the effectiveness of this fresh approach. With Britain now the family breakdown capital of Europe , effective methods of turning back the tide have never been more badly needed. With the demise of the extended family, couples have lost their main source of values, social learning and practical support. In essence, a married couple who act as mentors are simply doing what uncles and aunts used to do automatically. “Mentoring Marriages” explains how mentor couples can provide direction and skills using real life examples of their own successes and failures. The book stresses the lack of need for expertise. “ Any married couple can be a mentor couple, i t's experience that counts, not expertise ”, Harry concludes. “Mentoring Marriages” is published in paperback by Monarch, a division of Lion-Hudson plc and priced at £7.99. Ends ***Photo / Interview Opportunity in London *** Harry Benson will be training couples as mentors from 10am to 5pm on Saturday 23 rd April in Putney, London SW15. Media are welcome to attend as observers and to interview Harry. Contact Bristol Community Family Trust on 0117 924 1480 for details. ***Joint book launch in Bristol *** Lion-Hudson will be hosting a launch of their two new books on marriage by Bristol authors at 7pm on Thursday 12 th May – Mentoring Marriages by Harry Benson and Rules of Engagement by Richard & Katharine Hill . Contact Rhoda Hardie at Lion-Hudson on 01865 302742 for details. Notes To Editors
PRESS RELEASE FEBRUARY 2, 2005 Britain 's collapsing families – An innovative approach to turning the tide Britain's unmarried families are collapsing, according to Harry Benson, project director of Bristol Community Family Trust (BCFT). Three quarters of all family breakdown with young children now involves unmarried families *. Yet a great deal can be done to turn the tide. Benson will be presenting a paper at the 2nd National Conference on Relationship Education in London on 9th February, highlighting family interventions that work. The conference is timed to coincide with National Marriage Week. The London conference could be the most important meeting of its kind this generation. Other speakers include
Organisations represented include National Association of Community Family Trusts, Care for the Family, One-plus-One, Action for Prisoners Families, 2-in-2-1, Fathers Direct, Relationships Foundation, The Marriage Course, Relate, Marriage Care and Positive Parenting. “We simply cannot continue to bear the social and economic cost of ever increasing family breakdown. We need to get organisations working together .” says conference organiser Lady Elizabeth Toulson – former chairman of the Children's Society. The average Bristol taxpayer contributes at least £570 each year to the direct costs of family breakdown yet just 21p on its prevention *. Relationship education programmes are already being piloted successfully in Bristol . In the last 30 months, over 650 people have attended BCFT courses – ranging from couples getting married to prisoners and their partners, new parents to health professionals. A community marriage policy was signed a year ago by 60 church leaders. All of these initiatives have been shown elsewhere to reduce family breakdown and improve relationship quality *. “ It's hardly surprising ,” says Benson, “ that couples are steering clear of marriage when all we hear about is divorce. But it's a huge mistake .” The latest research shows that the majority of couples getting married today can expect their marriage to last a lifetime. In contrast few unmarriages can expect to last beyond ten years. “ For too many years governments have colluded in the pretence that marriage no longer matters. There is no longer any excuse for ignoring marriage and relationship education in public policy . We now know enough to be sure of making a difference ." Ends PRESS RELEASE SEPTEMBER 9, 2003 MARRIAGE SCHOOL Bristol couples walking into the Register Office or their local church to book their wedding may be surprised to receive an invitation to go back to school. Marriage school. Nearly 50 couples have already taken up the offer. Local charity Bristol Community Family Trust runs a short educational course called INSIGHT - part of which in a local school - teaching couples practical skills to make the very most of their marriage. Going to a school to learn about marriage may seem unfamiliar. But couples are saying they love it. "Our courses are based on research about what makes marriages succeed or fail", says Project Director Harry Benson, himself married 17 years. "Couples spend a day in the classroom learning about bad habits to avoid and practising good skills to establish. Then they spend a few evenings going through a questionnaire privately with an already married couple, whom we call mentors. Studies show that these simple courses improve marriage quality and cut the risk of divorce by 50-80% up to five years later." Al Stuart-Hunt & Fi Lamdin are a Bristol couple who are getting married this Saturday - 13th September. They found out about the course through their local church before they got engaged. "I'd always thought I'd do a course but I didn't expect to do it before we got engaged," said Fi. "We would probably have got engaged anyway but the course was really reassuring. I loved our evenings discussing things with two other people. It made it so much less heated." Al said they did the course before getting engaged because "we were having a bit of wobble with our relationship. It made us think about how to bring our different views together. I came away thinking - Yes, there's no major problems, lots of positive things." Andrew and Donna Abbey are another Bristol couple who got married this August having lived together for 8 years. They heard about BCFT at a Wedding Fair and did their course soon afterwards in March. "Our mentor couple were very friendly and fun and we enjoyed the sessions very much," said Andy. "I think we drew out very much the positives rather than the negatives about our relationship. We didn't have to deal with a lot of difficult issues but the mentoring forum did allow us to raise a few things that wouldn't have been talked about otherwise though. I don't know if I can attribute it to the mentoring but we have been getting on as well as ever over the last few months!!" BCFT courses are evaluated independently by academics led by consultant paediatrician Dr. John Tripp at Exeter University. Results so far are impressive. Over 90% of couples said they found the courses "well-organised", "enjoyable", "informative", "supportive", "not scary", "not embarrassing", "not boring" and they "would recommend it to friends". "Everybody who gets married thinks problems won't happen to them," said Harry Benson. "Yet so many marriage difficulties can be avoided with a little bit of learning and some friendly encouragement from an ordinary couple with a few years experience of marriage behind them. BCFT courses use the most up-to-date marriage education programmes in the world. They really work. Knowing what I know now, I wish I'd been to marriage school before I got married." If you are getting married and would like to find out more, contact BCFT on 0117 924 1480 or visit their website at www.bcft.co.uk Ends For further information contact: Harry Benson, Project Director, BCFT 0117-924 1480 or info@bcft.co.uk MARRIAGE COURSES BUILD CONFIDENCE, REDUCE DOUBTS SAY EXETER UNIVERSITY EVALUATORS Couples in Bristol can now get married with greater confidence and fewer doubts than ever before. An evaluation of courses run by Bristol and other Community Family Trusts around the UK found that couples gained significantly in confidence after completing a short educational course. Couples gained most in areas where they had previously had most doubts - conflict resolution, sex and respect. The evaluation was completed by an Exeter University-based group led by consultant paediatrician Dr John Tripp. "Community Family Trusts are pioneering a new approach. Although there are plenty of studies elsewhere to show the benefits of marriage education, as far as I'm aware this is the first time it has been evaluated formally in this country. The evidence that their courses are useful is extremely encouraging," he said. The evaluation of 472 responses during the first quarter of 2003 from ten Community Family Trusts around the UK - including Bristol - found that over 90% of people attending a course said they "would recommend it to friends". Well over 90% also said they found the courses "well-organised", "enjoyable", "informative", "supportive", "not scary", "not embarrassing" and "not boring". The evaluation found that people who did a pre-marriage course improved their confidence levels in ten areas from an average 84% before the course to 91% afterwards. Levels of doubt fell by half from an average of 16% to 8%. In six of ten areas, improvement in confidence was statistically significant - especially regarding "conflict resolution", "sexual behaviour", and "being treated with respect". The Community Family Trust Evaluation Group comprises two paediatricians and five psychologists. "More data needs to be collected to find which approaches are most effective in reaching couples and delivering what they need," said Dr Tripp, co-author of the Exeter Family Study into the effects of divorce on children. "But it is positive that courses are reaching a significant number of people via public routes, such as the civil Registrars". Previously relationship education courses have been available almost exclusively through churches and church-based organisations. Bristol's courses fared especially well. Contributing one third of the overall responses, a remarkable 92% of Bristol couples said they especially benefited in the area of how to resolve conflict. "I'm delighted by this," said Bristol Project Director Harry Benson who runs the courses. "We're using a particularly well-researched course in Bristol. I hope this will encourage community leaders to show that we can make a real difference to couple stability and the prevention of family breakdown. You can learn great marriage. You can learn great relationships. The proof of the pudding is that over 90% of couples who come along are telling their friends to come." Ends For further information please contact: Dr John Tripp - CFT Evaluation Group, 01392 403147 or J.H.Tripp@exeter.ac.uk Harry Benson - Project Director, Bristol CFT, 0117 924 1480 or info@bcft.co.uk Bristol Community Family Trust runs one day courses every month for couples getting married. Contact Harry Benson or see their website www.bcft.co.uk LIFE CYCLE OR SPIN CYCLE? WHY THE ADVERTISERS ARE WRONG ABOUT MARRIAGE Washing machines last twice as long as marriages, says the advert. So buy our washing machine. It'll still be working reliably long after your marriage has fallen apart. There's just one problem. "It's fiction", says Harry Benson of the Bristol Community Family Trust. "The advertisers have got it completely wrong. The average marriage lasts a lifetime. It's the average divorce that takes ten years. I hope their washing machines are more reliable than their information. Getting married is still far and away the best predictor of successful family life. We should be celebrating that fact." So how did the advertisers get it so wrong? The advert claims that statistically the average marriage lasts ten years. Yet, this is only true for marriages that end in divorce. According the Office of National Statistics, the average divorce in the year 2000 occurred after 10.7 years of marriage. Since current estimates are that some 40% of marriages end in divorce, the majority of marriages in fact last a lifetime. Therefore the merely average marriage lasts well over 40 years - rather longer than the very best washing machine. Benson is Project Director of Bristol Community Family Trust. "If the advertisers had said the average unmarried couple split within ten years, they would have been much nearer the truth. Marriages are far more likely to last than unmarriages. One of the least known facts in Britain is that nearly half of all unmarried parents have split up before their child reaches a 5th birthday. Only 8% of married parents will have divorced by then. Whether you're married or not, we can teach you how to stay together." Bristol Community Family Trust runs courses for couples getting married. Benson claims there is good evidence that the programmes they use can make marriages even better and reduce divorce odds substantially in the early years of marriage. "Most people go into one of the biggest decisions of their lives with precious little preparation. Yet it's so easy to prepare really well and it can reduce divorce dramatically," said Harry, married to Kate for 17 years. In Bristol, as with over 30 other areas across the country, Community Family Trusts are linking up with civil Registrars and church leaders to offer a short course of relationship education to couples getting married. In the South West, over 200 engaged couples took such a course in the last year. Couples are often surprised at how much more confident they become after learning a few simple skills and discussing their own issues with each other. "Doing the course made us think about and discuss certain key issues that we probably wouldn't have talked over otherwise", said one couple. "The course helped us concentrate on the marriage rather than just the wedding," said another. "I definitely think our marriage would have been different if we hadn't done it," said a third. Bristol Community Family Trust wants marriages to last a lifetime and encourages couples getting married to have a go at their course. "It's definitely worth taking one day before the wedding to prepare for your married life together. There's nothing to lose and everything to gain," says Harry Benson "I'm here to help marriages last throughout the life-cycle and not just the spin-cycle." If you are getting married and would like to find out more, or have a successful marriage of 10 years or more and would like to support newly weds, please contact Harry Benson at Bristol Community Family Trust on 0117 924 1480 or info@bcft.co.uk Further information on the research behind marriage and relationship education is also available at www.bcft.co.uk Ends For further information please contact: Harry Benson on 0117 924 1480 or www.bcft.co.uk PRESS RELEASE FEBRUARY 11, 2003 COMBAT AND BROKEN MARRIAGES: THE HIDDEN EFFECTS OF IRAQ WAR A new US study has found that combat veterans (WW11, Korea, Vietnam) were over 60% more likely than non-combat men to get divorced, putting combat experience into the top ten list of high risk factors for family breakdown. Other factors in this unpopular hit list are parental divorce, second marriage, prior cohabitation, getting married young, having a defensive personality, poor communication, difficulty handling differences, having different beliefs, and low level of commitment. "We found that combat experience is an important risk factor for divorce or separation," said Sven Wilson, an assistant professor of political science at Utah University. "Traumatic experiences like combat seem to have a persistent impact on the ability of people to form and maintain successful relationships." This week is National Marriage Week and while Blair and Bush think about breaking down Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, it is ironic that war would unleash just such a weapon - but hitting right at the heart of our own home life. Harry Benson has a dual interest in this: firstly as a former helicopter pilot in the Falklands war and secondly as Project Director of Bristol Community Family Trust - a project devoted to helping marriages work. "Having fought in the Falklands war, I know just how hard it is to talk about combat experiences - especially to those closest to you. I didn't talk to anyone for at least 5 years and it took me until last year, the 20th anniversary, to really feel like I had come to terms with the experience properly," said Harry. "My marriage of 16 years nearly broke apart some years ago and I feel sure my combat experiences played their part in this. I have cried and broken down many times in private but had rarely been able to discuss my experiences and memories with my wife Kate - even though I could otherwise talk to her about anything." Marriage education and recognition of the problem, which may be a mild form of PTSD, can undoubtedly help. Just knowing that talking is needed, that it is OK to talk and knowing how to talk to one's spouse can all be learnt through simple marriage education courses. The US military is increasingly using such courses that some studies found reduced divorce risk by as much as 80% over 5 years. Great news - and Britain should follow suit if it wants to avoid further acceleration of family breakdown. Harry Benson, through Bristol Community Family Trust, offers courses to any couple getting married in Bristol. He is also looking for ordinary couples who have been married for ten years or more to act as mentors. Training for mentor couples would be appropriate for veterans and non-veterans alike. Elsewhere in the country, married education courses of all sorts are increasingly available through Community Family Trusts, Marriage Registrars and churches. Ends For further information please contact Harry Benson on 0117-924 1480 or email on: info@bcft.co.uk PRESS RELEASE FEBRUARY 10TH, 2003 BRISTOL COUPLES CELEBRATE 380 YEARS OF MARRIAGE! - LOCAL DINNER AS PART OF NATIONAL MARRIAGE WEEK Twenty one Bristol couples will celebrate an amazing 380 years of married life at a pre-Valentines dinner in Redland on February 11th. All the couples are "mentors" for local family project Bristol Community Family Trust, who is laying on the dinner as part of National Marriage Week, which runs from February 9th to 16th. Mentors are ordinary married couples who share their experience of married life, ups and downs, with couples who are about to marry or are newlywed. "It is an amazing thought to have 380 years experience of marriage available in one room. It is a great achievement well worth celebrating," said BCFT project director Harry Benson. "We want to show our appreciation of the time and effort our mentors put in for free." The average length of marriage for these couples is 18 years. The most recently married couple tied the knot just 10 years ago in 1992. The longest lasting married couple made their vows to each other 38 years ago, way back in 1964, a time when Beatlemania swept the country. Is their success at marriage down to luck? "Far from it," says Benson, who has been married to his wife Kate for 16 years. "Talk to just about any couple who has been married for 20 years or more - a seriously long time - and they will invariably tell you about their life-long commitment and friendship. Marriage is a bit like a bonfire. Keep feeding it and it will blaze away. Neglect it and it takes a lot of effort to get going again." Ann Skerratt is one of the trustees of BCFT and she and husband Ian were married 17 years ago. "I'm a real fan of marriage and long for people to experience marriage as it can be and should be. Great marriage skills can be learnt, meaning that many divorces can be avoided. Having watched friends go through the trauma and agonies of divorce, I know these courses would make a big difference." Peter & Susan Smithson, who married in 1978, are a mentor couple who will be at the dinner. They were rather taken aback to be asked to mentor friends of theirs as part of BCFT's INSIGHT pre-marriage course. "Too scary, we thought! What can we offer them? In reality it wasn't scary at all. The training prepared us well and we started our mentoring feeling pretty confident of what to discuss and how to discuss it." Their friends announced their engagement shortly afterwards. If you have a successful marriage of 10 years or more and would like to support newly weds, or you are getting married, call 0117 924 1480 for BCFT course leaflets or visit the website at www.bcft.co.uk. Both courses run once a month. Visit the National Marriage Week website at www.nmw.org.uk Ends For further information please contact Harry Benson at Bristol Community Family Trust on 0117-924 1480 or info@bcft.co.uk For further information about National Marriage Week, call Richard Kane at 01202 883887 or visit www.nmw.org.uk BRISTOL'S BEST EVER WEDDING PRESENT … … COMPLETELY FREE! Bristol couples getting married now have the opportunity to make sure their marriage gets off to the best possible start …completely free! Local project "Bristol Community Family Trust" started offering marriage education programmes this summer. Rather than wait until couples get into trouble when it may be too late, marriage education teaches couples the key skills needed for a healthy marriage right from the beginning. The short "state of the art" course normally costs £120. But until March 2003, and due to government funding, courses will be offered completely free. BCFT project director Harry Benson, himself married 16 years, says: "This is the best wedding present anyone could possibly give or receive. Plates and cutlery and rice cookers are obviously very welcome. But what good are they if your marriage fails? Nobody thinks theirs will. Yet 800 of the 2000 couples getting married this year in Bristol are likely to end up divorced. And there's no way of knowing if you'll be one of them. What we offer is as near to a guarantee of success as you can get. Studies of the courses we use show that couples can reduce their divorce risk by an amazing 80%. It's simple stuff but it's also tried and tested. What a great wedding present!" BCFT's one-day course and private follow-up evenings teaches couples how to communicate and deal with their differences really well. But more importantly, it also shows them how to identify and overcome the subtly destructive behaviours that can eat slowly away at any relationship. "For example, the number one predictor of divorce is withdrawal," says Harry Benson. "Not discussing your differences and problems is as damaging to your relationship as discussing them badly. Great marriage is something you can learn." The case for doing something to strengthen marriages and reduce rates of family breakdown is both strong and urgent. A factsheet published last month by London-based independent think-tank Civitas reviewed research findings showing the damage done to both adults and children by family breakdown. In her report, "Experiments in living", researcher Rebecca O'Neill shows how adult relationship breakdown raises the risk of poor outcomes for all the family. Lone mothers, for example, are about twice as likely to suffer from emotional, psychological and health problems. Non-resident fathers are about twice as likely to have health problems and engage in risky behaviour, such as excessive drinking, smoking, drugs or unsafe sex. Children living without their biological fathers are also far more likely to live in poverty, have emotional, relational and health problems, have trouble at school, be involved in crime and have relational problems in adulthood. "In Bristol, we're trying to do something positive," says BCFT's Harry Benson. "The courses we offer definitely work. And our funding allows us to run the courses for free until March 2003. It's a fantastic opportunity to make sure your marriage starts off with a rock solid foundation. So there's nothing to lose and everything to gain. I think couples will benefit so much they'll want to give this course as a wedding present to others!" Application leaflets for BCFT courses are available from the Bristol Registrar's office and some churches. For more information, contact Harry Benson at 0117 924 1480, email info@bcft.co.uk or visit the website www.bcft.co.uk Ends For more information about the Civitas report, contact Rebecca O'Neill at 0207 401 5470 DOES DIVORCE MAKE ADULTS HAPPY? NO, SAYS A MAJOR NEW STUDY A ground-breaking new study has found that divorce is far from the panacea it is sometimes made out to be for those in unhappy marriages. Conventional wisdom has it that those trapped in unhappy marriages are often better off getting divorced. But the first major study to challenge this assumption finds quite the opposite effect. The study found no evidence that unhappy couples who divorced became happier than those unhappy couples who stayed married. In fact two thirds of "unhappy" couples who stuck it out reported that they were happy five years later. Remarkably, 8 out of 10 of "very unhappy" couples reported that they were happily married five years later. The marriage study was conducted on a national survey of 5,000 married adults in the late eighties in the US, led by University of Chicago Professor of Sociology Linda Waite. A range of measures of personal and marital happiness, well-being and depression were used. Of these couples, 645 reported being unhappily married. Five years later the couples were interviewed again. In another challenge to conventional wisdom, the study found that divorce did not typically raise self-esteem, reduce symptoms of depression or increase a sense of personal control. This was true even after the authors took into account any possible effects of race, age, gender or income. The authors suggest that although divorce can reduce some areas of stress, it also creates new problems. These include the spouse's response to divorce. Interestingly, the same team found that three quarters of those who said they were unhappy had happy spouses. Other areas of difficulty included managing parenting arrangements as well as the reactions of children, and dealing with new financial or health stresses, and new relationships or marriages. "I hope people will take note of what this study tells us. It puts paid to the assumption that divorce takes away the pain of an unhappy marriage. It mostly doesn't," says Harry Benson, project coordinator for Bristol Community Family Trust. "Films and TV bombard us with the message that unhappy couples should split up and work things out better apart. On the whole, it's bad advice. It's especially bad advice from the point of view of the kids. Unhappy couples are all too often pushed towards ending their marriage as neatly and amicably as possible. But this is a sham. Sticking it out is far more likely to prove a more successful strategy. People learn new ways of coping that seem to work." In a follow-up study, the Chicago team looked at how 55 unhappy spouses had turned around their marriages. Three main reasons emerged: some couples simply outlasted problems that resolved themselves over time; other couples made successful attempts at making their marriage better, and others yet found attitude changes that enabled them to enjoy life better. "My wife Kate and I went to the brink of divorce ourselves some years ago," says Harry Benson, married 16 years. "Today our marriage is unrecognisably better because we learnt ways of making it work. Of course it would have been so much less painful if we'd learnt the skills and attitudes needed when we first got married. But like most people, I never thought problems would happen to us. The remarkable thing is that great marriage really can be taught and learnt. That's what I now teach through BCFT." Bristol Community Family Trust (BCFT) offers any couple getting married in Bristol a short course of marriage education. These courses have been found to reduce divorce risk by over 80% up to 5 years later. BCFT also offers courses for any couple who has been married over 10 years and who would like to support newly weds as "mentors". Contact BCFT on 0117 924 1480 for course leaflets or visit the website at www.bcft.co.uk Ends For further information please contact Harry Benson on 0117-924 1480 or email on info@bcft.co.uk For more information about the University of Chicago study, see the website www.americanvalues.org NATIONAL GOVERNMENT DONATES £50,000 TO SUPPORT BRISTOL FAMILIES Bristol Community Family Trust (BCFT), a new charity set up in Bristol to help strengthen and support families and thereby reduce family breakdown, has received £50,000 from the Lord Chancellor's Department as core funding for the coming financial year. BCFT is offering 'state-of-the-art' one-day training courses every month for couples getting married starting from May. The one-day courses teach couples the key skills they need to build a great marriage and to cope with its inevitable conflicts. Couples getting married will spend several evenings going over the results of a questionnaire. The questionnaire covers thought-provoking statements such as "Sometimes my future spouse feels that I do not listen to him/her" or "I am concerned that I am marrying too soon" or "My future spouse and I are open to having children". Many issues like these are not considered until they are faced unexpectedly and under strain by a couple. BCFT is using the experience of communities in the USA that have successfully cut their divorce rates by up to one third in just ten years. "The problem is that few young couples know what commitment to a lifetime together looks like. As more families break up, there are fewer positive role models left to learn from," said BCFT project coordinator Harry Benson. "But we now know from research that not only is marriage really good for you - but great marriage is something you can learn." Doug & Kate, a Bristol couple who attended a course prior to their marriage two years ago, said: "Looking back we realise how fortunate we were to have gone through the course, to have a safe space to think about all aspects of our relationship and to have had such support. Recently we were shocked to hear that three of our friends' marriages failed within 18 months. We went into our marriage understanding what we were entering into. The course was great fun. It was such a laugh." National statistics suggest that an estimated 40% of marriages are likely to end in divorce. Less than 10% of unmarried couples remain together unmarried ten years later. Research also finds that both adults and children within single parent families fare worse across a whole range of social outcomes, including poverty, health, education and relationships, compared to those in two-parent married families. "We are thrilled with the funding received from the Government," said BCFT project coordinator Harry Benson. "Family breakdown has a severely detrimental effect on both the individuals concerned and upon our society as whole. We hope that the projects we will be rolling out across Bristol will make a real difference over the coming years." A recent report by the Family Matters Institute found that the taxpayer pays at least £15 billion directly every year picking up the costs related to family breakdown - that's equivalent to one quarter of the entire NHS bill, or £11 per taxpayer every week. "The financial costs speak for themselves. But it's the tearing apart of people's lives that really concerns us. I know what it's like to come from a broken home and to go through near-divorce. These courses really made a difference for me and my family," added Harry who has been married for 15 years. BCFT is also looking for married couples in the Bristol area who have ten years or more of marriage under their belt to be trained as mentors for younger or less-experienced couples. For further information on BCFT, its courses or mentor training, please contact Harry Benson on 0117 924 1480 or visit the BCFT website at www.bcft.co.uk Ends For further information contact Harry Benson on 0117 924 1480 or via email at: info@bcft.co.uk |
