WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT OUR COURSES

Chris and Alice, newlywed

"We have been really blessed by this whole process"

Chris and I attended your marriage training day in February, a month into our engagement. We were then connected up with a couple of trained 'marriage mentors', Simon and Shirley. We met up with them and went through the issues arising from the training day over a number of meals during the next few months. We got married in August and are planning to continue meeting up with our mentors concerning any new issues that arise.

In the light of this fantastic input into our lives as a couple, we wanted to thank you for the training day and all the follow up work which happens so naturally through meeting up with our mentors. We have been really blessed by this whole process and thoroughly commend the skills training and mentoring work you do to help build up solid marriages.

Nick & Sophie, newlywed

"It comes as a great reassurance to learn that couples who have been married for some time still don't know all the answers."

We took the course just a few weeks before our wedding in June. We have been singing its praises ever since - and know of at least two couples who are going to do the course as a result.

Sophie heard about the course through a friend. I have to say that I was very reluctant to even consider going along. My gut feeling was that it would involve cringing at Oprah-style revelations. But I went. Not only was it surprisingly painless but some of the common sense teaching really helped us both to identify different types of behaviour and to vent feelings that had previously been stored up over time to our detriment.

Our mentors Claire and Ian were great. Any apprehensions about awkwardness were swept away as soon as we arrived at their house. They guided us swiftly through the material we had to cover, with plenty of laughs along the way. Some of the more serious subjects were made much easier to tackle when Claire and Ian offered some of their own experiences and expressed some of the difficulties they had encountered. It comes as a great reassurance to learn that couples who have been married for some time still don't know all the answers.

I suppose the one thing I've taken away from the meetings is the knowledge that it's fine to have differences - even big ones. But there are three vital keys to a happy relationship: communication, having an awareness of negative behaviour, and the tools to avoid or deal with it.

The course is invaluable.

Carl & Jayme, newlywed

"It wasn't until we took the course that we realised that there was so much more we hadn't talked about"

We had heard that communication was vitally important to any successful relationship and we thought we had it figured out. We met in Japan and began to correspond after Carl had gone back to the UK. I still had 3 months left on my teaching contract, after which I would be going home to Canada. There were long periods of time when we weren't able to see each other, so we spoke on the phone, used email, post and internet a great deal.

As a result of this, we knew our relationship was very strong, especially in terms of communication. When I finally moved to the UK we kept on communicating and talking things through (this time in person!), but it wasn't until we took the course that we realised that there was so much more we hadn't talked about. A lot of things surfaced that we hadn't even thought to discuss. Armed with our speaker/listener skills, we set about communicating properly.

We are aware of things like Thinking the worst and Opting out and we now recognise it and can put a name to it. We are still not perfect, but we feel very confident that there is nothing that we cannot talk through and resolve. Indeed, none of our infrequent arguments has lasted more than a few hours. We feel closer than ever now and would recommend this course to anyone! We are now married and are feeling very confident that ours is a love that will last.

Al & Fi, newlywed

"Our mentors encouraged us when we said we're not jealous people. Other people may not have that."

We were going through a bit of a wobble in our relationship and went to a couple for some advice. They suggested we do the mentoring course. Our first reaction was surprise because we weren't yet engaged. But we were reassured that it was OK.

The questionnaire was really interesting. Lots of questions about things way ahead in the future that I'd never really thought about - children. I enjoyed the questionnaire and I enjoyed the mentoring. I loved those evenings. I really enjoyed discussing things with two other people. It made it so much less heated. The course made us think about how to bring our different views together. It really pushed through some obstacles. Previously, for example, I used to be told things in a way that felt like nagging and it made me angry. The course helped us find a better way.

Just discussing things out loud was encouraging. Like when our mentors encouraged us when we said we're not jealous people. Other people may not have that. I came away thinking, yes, there's no major problems and lots of positive things. We would probably have got engaged anyway but it was really reassuring.

Trevor & Sue, mentor couple

"As mentors, we have found this a valuable experience."

We have been going through questions and situations with couples, which would have been really useful to have discussed at the onset of our own marriage. 30 years on we have a wealth of experience under our belts, but mostly gained through 'interesting' times. Maybe we would still have gone through them even if we'd done an inventory at the time. But we both agree that couples can only benefit from marriage mentoring as they talk through the many situations that may come their way.

Helen and Simon, mentor couple

"We really enjoy getting to know the couples but I have to be on my guard against a tendency to want to solve everyone's problems for them"

We were pretty nervous when we started, even though the mentor training had been helpful and practical. But I (Helen) felt convinced it was a way of putting our own experience of marriage (extremely happy but having coped with depression and hepatitis C, having twins and multiple family bereavements) to good use. Funnily enough, although I was the more keen to start with, after our first (very positive) experience Simon is now happy to take the lead! We feel that the mentoring process is really valuable for all couples, and it has helped us to be honest with each other about some aspects of our relationship that we don't often discuss and has made us value our own marriage even more. We really enjoy getting to know the couples but I have to be on my guard against a tendency to want to solve everyone's problems for them, because the aim is for them to learn to do it themselves! I would recommend mentoring to any couple who are concerned about family breakdown and feel they can share their experiences openly with new people.

Mike & Nathalie, mentor couple

"I learned that I can actually listen and not talk. Mike learned that he can talk and not just listen."

Our first experience of mentoring has been very positive, resulting in being invited to Carl and Jayme's wedding and reception. That was wonderful. One very good thing about mentoring is that it does tend to establish a friendship quickly! We look forward to mentoring our second couple.

Before the first session we did have the wobbles - perfect strangers over for a meal, help! But doing a meal and having a drink really helps things along. Also, the couple are committed to doing the course so it is OK! We covered all the subjects in about six sessions. We basically spent a bit more time on items the couple knew were a problem - where they had disagreed and wanted to discuss where they stood now. We spent a bit less time on things they really felt they had discussed, or there were no problems with. Over mealtimes we shared some of our own experiences, which they asked about, so it did not encroach on their 'talking time'.

It has been really good for us to do something as important and positive as marriage mentoring. Mike and I are even more convinced of the importance of good communication now. I learned that I can actually listen and not talk. Mike learned that he can talk and not just listen. We have been so blessed in so many ways by others as regards communication. It is good to give back.

Tim & Julie, mentor couple

"For us it was good to think about the questions ourselves and to feel that we've come a long way since we got married"

We thought our one day mentor training course did a good job in preparing us for the first time. It gives you enough to feel that you have a rough framework to work with without being overly prescriptive. We loved the dance!

We enjoyed mentoring. It was a great opportunity to get to know a couple that we didn't know that well, and hopefully for them to get to know us. For us it was good to think about the questions ourselves and to feel that we've come a long way since we got married.

We hope our couple benefited from the mentoring! We did three sessions with our couple. Lifestyle expectations and communication both took a session each and were probably the most useful sessions. It gave them confidence that they have talked through so much prior to getting married as well as providing a focused time to talk together about things that came up in the weeks before we met up.